I HATE

[HYFR]

brilliant

[Ian_C]

Reminds me of that age old classic that you are more likely to be hit and killed by a bus than win the lottery......

[ShaneyB]

Pedestrians, oh these c*nts!!! F*CK THEM.
Apparently they now refuse to look either way before crossing anything not resembling a 15 lane super highway. To top off this new found non-functioning neck upgrade, human evolution has also done away with peripheral vision usage. These arsesocks wouldn't last 4 nanoseconds in the wild but now they're like some sort of protected species.
I actually had one guy start crossing in front of me during slowish moving traffic and he didn't even make eye contact, but it's ok, he presented me with (wait for it), his palm, like he was empowered to direct traffic... or like Superman stopping a runaway train! Anyway, while my mind conjured up a vivid cut-away depicting his lifeless body being spat out the back of my car, I must've forgotten to yield to this newfangled retarded Superman sub-species, thus getting as close to a vehicular knee-breaker as possible. His brown trouser moment instantly put a wry smile on my face, which, obviously meant the brown trousered retarded Superman felt he needed to give me a serving. So, much red-faced yelling and shouting ensued, I just stopped, picked my most gormless facial expression and sat there, staring at his little song and dance in blissful silence with the windows up and my hand firmly planted on the horn. Traffic in the other direction had picked up pace by this point and everyone behind me had joined in with their horns (ooooh er, missus!). Feeling unloved and unimportant, Mr. Brown trousered <beep> Superman amazingly tried to resume his onward crossing by (you've guessed it), again, placing his palm up to now quick moving traffic. No dice. Spotting an opportunity, I decided to floor it, thus releasing the backlog behind me, traffic flow now restored to full swing in both directions, I got to witness the traffic Mosses grow smaller (both literally and metaphorically) in my rear vision mirrors while he waited for someone to let him cross, he remained stranded. My day was a little bit better after that.

I'm not really sure how pedestrians got this new found power but I blame the legal system and society’s constant perpetuation of the 'duty of care' and 'be nice to others' bullshit. I reckon there should be a stigma attached to getting hit by a car or a bike and I reckon that motorists should be absolved unless an incident occurs directly over a zebra crossing. If you're dumb enough to walk onto the road and get hit, then f*ck you, it marks you out as a fucken moron. If you can't look both ways before crossing, you deserve what you get and you should be mocked and ridiculed, if you're still alive. As comparisons go, think of how much you'd rip the piss out of a mate who'd just got beaten up by an 8 year girl. Don't get me started on people who've managed to be hit by a bus! They've become a fucken punchline in my mind. How the f*ck does a person leave themselves in the path of a huge, red, slow moving bus long enough to be struck down by it?! The mind boggles. In my new world, ANY comedian, hang on scratch that, ANY PERSON uttering the words "they got hit by a bus" should be met with a wall of laughter from EVERYONE within earshot, dogs included.
Rant. Over.

I've just wet myself.

[bam_bam]

I've just wet myself.

You should probably see someone about that...

[ShaneyB]

No need Bam, plastic pants are the way forward for men of my age.

[22B]

haha, brilliant as always bam-bam!

[Scotty]

I'm sensing the people posting in this thread might enjoy this :



http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&featu ... PAPsCy-018

[bam_bam]

I'm sensing the people posting in this thread might enjoy this :



http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&featu ... PAPsCy-018

Meh, yes and no. This video also highlights another thing that I HATE. How hard is it to not record video of your feet? This video could've been the funniest thing in the world if the cameraman hadn't develop a foot fetish during the most entertaining part of his mate getting hit by an icecream van. I reason that makers of video cameras should add a new feature, foot recognition. If the camera detects feet in the shot (because you're a <beep> cameraman), then a high voltage shock is sent into the handgrip. Addmitantly, it could make filming yourself receiving a handjob very tricky, but let's be honest, a bit of risk and pain makes it more interesting, amirite?

[rs4blacked]

I just bear down on them in my 44 ton truck.

The look of a big shadow covering them as they walk aimlessly out in front of you, they look up and do 1 of the following

1)<beep> themselves
2)run faster than a 100m sprinter to get out of the way
3) faint.

[bam_bam]

I'd like to see 2, 1 and 3 happen in sequence, that'd be funny sat watching in your truck cab.

[rs4blacked]

I'd like to see 2, 1 and 3 happen in sequence, that'd be funny sat watching in your truck cab.

Or all 3 at the same time

[bam_bam]

I hate it when you've de-seeded and cut fresh chillies for cooking dinner. Only to have your fingers turn into skin burning instruments of torture the next day every time you rub your (in no particular order) eyes, cock, arse dot or touch your lips.

[Timster]

I remember hearing the screams when mate of mine went to the loo at Pizza Express... he's just been sprinkling dried chillies on his pizza.
(He's a Round head, not a Cavalier for what it's worth)

[bam_bam]

So that's one point to the Cavalier's then.

I'll never forget the wince on a girl's face after I dipped my hand into her pants with a mind to 'feed the horse'. Pausing, she finally squeaked "Were you cooking with fresh chillies tonight?" Impressed by her powers of deduction, I answered "Hell yes! That's amazing, how'd you know?" Crying at this point whilst plucking my hand from her panties, she said, "Because my minky is on fire and I used to shag a chef who'd forget to wash his hands after work".
Needless to say my red hot chilli hands put a damper on things and I avoided any DATY, but to make up for it she offered tickets to 'change at Baker St'. She said she'd gotten used to it and actually liked it after dating the French chef... methinks the French chef was "selfishly forgetful" about washing his hands, crafty man, I salute him.

[Timster]

Aaah, that classic line: "Because my minky is on fire and I used to shag a chef who'd forget to wash his hands after work".
They must teach them that at school.

... never fails to bring me to the boil, mind. (until they say he was French).

Dirty little minx.