Fuel light on constantly

[alpinestars]

The fuel light came on about a week ago and I topped her up, but the light remains and the gague is reading v low and it's gradually been getting lower ie, it's not stuck on zero.

Any ideas what it could be? Fuse or something that measures the level of fuel in the tank?

Thanks

[ecain63]

Maybe you need to fill it up, rather than just top it up. Lol. Dont be tight.

[RS6Steve]

How much fuel have you actually got in it, It'll take £20 to get the light off?

[scooby-tc]

I put £25 in mine and the fuel light stayed on,luckily my road is on a camber and when i got in the following day the fuel gauge was reading 1/2 tank and the light was off

[alpinestars]

Guys, I filled it up!

Any amount of fuel is not turning the light off and barely moves the needle.

[bam_bam]

Guys, I filled it up!

Any amount of fuel is not turning the light off and barely moves the needle.

There's only one logical answer - the Moocher has been driving your Beast when you're asleep... simple as that.

It's very common for a Moocher (Mooch for short) to install a petrol filler neck by-pass and a secondary fuel tank (a.k.a the "Moocher tank"). A Moocher tank can hold half the drinking capacity of an average Cornish barfly, so, by my calculations, that should be approx. 120-150 litre tank. It's become clear that every time you've 'filled up' at the pump, the fuel has been directly siphoned into the Moocher tank. The Mooch then waits until you fall asleep to abscond with your Beast, draining the Moocher tank at his pleasure, usually to a soundtrack of maniacal laughter and beer farts.
The Mooch will also whisper all manner of hollow romantic notions into your Beast's wing mirrors, such as, "I'll leave my wife for you" or "you've got the tightest tailpipe I've ever had" or "I love being inside of you". All of these disingenuous promises made by the Mooch to your Beast will eventually poison it against you. This much is apparent, your Beast has started to fall in love with the Mooch and is trying to cover for the Mooch's overzealous use of its main fuel tank after draining his Moocher tank.

You need to stop this affair asap, otherwise, your Beast's love will become usurped by the devilish Mooch. These affairs always lead to a Beast with a broken Torsen center diff (the Beast’s heart - see picture below).



Perhaps the worst thing about your predicament... I have evidence to believe that the very Mooch abusing your Beast and bilking you of petrol... is... in fact, Cornish of origin!!!

My advice to you:

• - Do not let on to your Beast that you know about the affair, you’ll be killed by a hedge when your ESP button mysteriously disengages
  - Do not approach the Cornishmoocher. It is by far THE most dangerous animal in the whole pub kingdom
  - Learn its ways and remember it is impossible to kill, it is always right and it will never back down... try and use these flaws to your advantage
  - Do not let it tackle you or your children will become Cornish, even if you already have children, the next time you see them, they will be Cornish and this condition is incurable
  - If you are going to attempt to trap it, ensure you build a trap with an amazing amount of sound-proofing, its shrill has been known to cause RS6 gearbox failure
  - Approach it only when it is hungover
  - Only EVER approach it from the side
  - If you are confronted by the Cornishmoocher, try to divert its attention by invoking a Mooch rant e.g. Tell it DRC is infallible OR American is the best nation OR that your RS6 kicks out 570BHP on standard manifolds
  
  - Most importantly, DO NOT LET THE CORNISHMOOCHER ESCAPE IN YOUR BEAST. You'll never catch it nor will you see your Beast EVER again.

Best of luck Alpine...

[HYFR]

thats funny as feck !

[Daveperc]

Brilliant - but don't forget you can also get a MOOCH to run a mile by waving Vredestein rubber in front of it!

Dave

[bam_bam]

The Vred is like kryptonite to the Mooch.

[RS6Steve]

You know we are not helping the OP much...

LOL

[bam_bam]

What are you trying to say Steve? Just because the Mooch has never done this to you that I'm making it all up? At least I figured out what was causing the missing fuel and gave the OP some advice on how to deal with it. Dave has even offered some help on how to trigger a Mooch rant that could potentially save the life of the OP and his family.

I thought you were OK Steve...

[RS6Steve]

How do you know he has not done it to me?

It's not something I would be bragging about is it!!!!!!

[bam_bam]

Sorry mate, I didn't realise. There's an MM (Moocher Molested) group therapy session at the Old St. Paul's church Monday's and Friday's, come along and share your pain.