Extract taken from RS246 'Off Topic' post; December 1888.
Sir Crew,
I felt myself compelled to correspond in order to outline briefly a happenstance of a most erotic nature which lately befell me. I freely admit that the Lord has not seen fit to bestow me with handsome features; indeed, I have rather a prominent chin and unimpressive, thinning hair for a gentleman of my age. I am also possessed of cauliflower-like skin down one side of my misshapen body, from which emanates the most noisome stench of decaying putrescence.
In addition, my left arm and leg are grotesquely swollen and flipper-like in appearance, and my head is distended out of all proportions, lending me a most terrible aspect and for which reason I have been given the epithet 'The Elephant Man'.
Anyway, the other evening I had but lately retired to my room at the Charing Cross Hospital whereupon I heard a knock on the door. Without my answering, the night porter, Mr Elphick Esq., a rather coarse and ill-bred gentleman, entered - accompanied by a selection of rowdy ne'er-do-wells, ruffians and toss-pots, who had each paid him a farthing for the privilege of witnessing my pitiful and wretched circumstance. Throughout the ensuing several minutes, I was subjected to ribald mockery of a most vulgar nature.
Eventually, growing weary of their sport, my tormenters departed, save one - evidently a lady of the most ill repute, though not unattractive, blessed as she was with golden tresses and butterbags akin to a pair of Mr Landseer's puppies fighting in a portmanteau.
To my surprise, she sat down on my bed next to me and began asking questions of the most base nature, viz. whether I had ever performed the act of androgynation, and whether or not my tickle-faggot was comparable to that of an elephant. At this point and to my abiding shame, I found myself aroused by her licentious talk, and I noted that for the first time in my life my fiddle-diddle had become engorged.
By this time, we were both preternaturally exited, and she vouchsafed that she was indeed effervescent about her tufted treasure. I was certain that I was finally about to gain entrance to the portal of her bower of bliss, when at that very moment, the principal and superintendent-surgeon of the hospital, Mr Carr-Gomm Esq., entered my room and peremptorily ejected her from the premise.
Sir, it remains the most, and indeed the only, erotic interlude of my life, and like the animal whose nomenclature I bear, I shall never forget it.
I remain, your humble servant,
J.M., Charing Cross Hospital
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