Some (*&£$%*&* has hit my car.....

[S4TAN]

S4TAN.... a Snooty Horsey bird with no brains in a 4x4..... so you didn't get up to any jollies then!

She was fat and industrial-strength fugly. And probably a bloody christian ...

[lemond]

Fat... ugh! so a Shirehorse rider then!.... with a plank across its back to stop it sagging! (the horse!!!)

[shineydave]

Last year when we went to NZ to visit the relatives i came back two weeks earlier than Mrs Shiney, because her car had a full tank of fuel i thought i may as well use that for work. washed it on the sunday and all was fine. by tuesday evening someone had run into the rear bumper cracking the paint and putting a crease about 18" long in the middle of it. the thing had only been parked in our works car park or in my drive at home.

now the problem was i had admonished her (bollocked severely) for the number of dings i'd had to repair on the damn thing and here i was in the position of having a banged up car and a wife arriving home on saturday morning. as you can imagine it was quite like a Top Gear race with me constantly on the phone to the paint shop trying to ensure it would be ready for me to collect friday teatime, it actually came down to the level of me telling the painter whereabouts she was on the route to gee him up to get it finished in time.

the upshot was she doesn't know to this day about it and probably due to the amount of ranting i did over the performance at work, no one felt the urge to come forward and confess their sins.