The Hamster

[tanoga]

A man living on his own decides that he wants a pet, and goes to the shop to buy a hamster.

He gets it home, plays with it, feeds it, and eventually goes to bed. He wakes up the next morning, to find that his hamster is dead. He takes it back to the shop, to complain.

`This hamster I bought yesterday is dead!`

`Well, I'm sorry sir, but there's nothing I can do about it.`

`But I only bought it yesterday!`

`I'm sorry sir, but you might have killed it yourself. There's nothing I can do, except...`

`Yes?`

`I have a recipe you might want to try. You can make it into jam - I hear it's quite nice.`

`Really? Well, I'll give it a try.`

So the bloke takes the hamster and the recipe home, and makes his jam.

Next morning, he wakes up, and decides to try some of the jam on his toast for breakfast. He spreads it on, takes a bite, and it's the most disgusting thing he's ever tasted - he throws the entire jar out of the window in disgust, and goes to work.

That evening, he comes home from work to find that his garden is covered with a thick carpet of daffodils. He recalls throwing the jam out of the window, and decides that it must have somehow caused the prolific growth. So, he goes back to the pet shop, and complains.

`Not only did my hamster die, but now my garden is covered in daffodils!`

`What do you mean, sir?`

`Daffodils! everywhere, ruining my beatiful lawn! And all because of that jam I made - you know, from the dead hamster!`

`That's very odd, sir. You see, normally you get tulips from hamster jam...`

Sorry, but I could not resist it [img]images/graemlins/jesterlol.gif[/img]

[wazza]

BOOM BOOM said Basil [img]images/graemlins/ban.gif[/img]

[s2driver]

[img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img]

[Conti]

[img]images/graemlins/jesterlol.gif[/img]

[Dave]

reminds me of this one:

A bloke is walking down the street and as he passes the window of a pet shop he notices a sign which says "Blow jobbing ferrets for £10"..

he thinks to himself.. bloody hell.. that sounds too good to be true. So he walks into the shop and says to the owner "what's this about the blow jobbing ferrets?". The pet shop owner replies " well, I ordered some ferrets but when the arrived they had manly teeth, so I removed them and taught them so new tricks. Here sir, why don't you take one to the bottom of the shop and try one out"

So the guy takes one of the ferrets down the shop and comes back 5 minutes later "Bloody hell, that was fantastic, by far the best blow job I've ever had" "I'll have one please" and with that he hands over his £10. The shop onwer put the ferret into a cloth bag and gave it to the chap.

On arriving at home the chap puts the bag on the kitchen table, open the fridge for a beer and settles down to watch the football.

10 minutes later the door bangs and his wife arrives home. She drops her coat and goes into the kitchen. She see a cloth bag that is moving around and wonders what is in it. She picks up the bag and has a look inside..feck me.. it's a ferret with no teeth.!!

She goes into the lounge and says to her husband.. what do you want me to do with the ferret? and the chap replies:

"Teach it to cook and feck off" [img]images/graemlins/jump.gif[/img]

[same]

While we are on the subject....................

A man walks into a bar with an Octopus. He sits the Octopus down on a
stool
and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. "He
can
play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says
that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the Octopus
can't play.

A bloke walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the Octopus. Immediately
the Octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimmy
Hendrix. The guitar man pays up his $50.

Another bloke walks up with a trumpet. This time the Octopus plays the
trumpet better than Louis Armstrong. The man pays up his $50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits them down and the
Octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused
look.

"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye nae can plae it, can ye ?"

The Octopus looks up at him and says ........"Play it?.... I'm going to
f**k it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off.."

Sam [img]images/graemlins/audiS4black.gif[/img]

[runrowsam]

ON THE FLOOR [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/roflmao.gif[/img]
[img]images/graemlins/jump.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/jump.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/jump.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/jump.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/jump.gif[/img] [img]images/graemlins/jump.gif[/img]

[ChrisG]

Not related to hamsters but my wife says we should all learn this;



WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel
they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING - This means "something," and you should be on your toes.
"Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to
turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually
signifies
an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result
in a woman getting upset over "Nothing," and will end with the word "Fine."



GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care. "You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in
just
a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine," and she will talk to you
in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.



LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH - Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs"
mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and
she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. That's Okay"
is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised
Eyebrow
Go Ahead." At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble..

PLEASE DO - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the
truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're
welcome.

THANKS A LOT - This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that
you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the
"Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as
she will only tell you "Nothing.

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they
can avoid if they remember the terminology.