Frankencar
Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2012 1:23 pm
So... let's play a game. It's pretty simple and it has a little back story.
You've just won the largest lottery jackpot in the world and you've got your dream garage already set up, a personal race track and Christina Hendricks washes your cars everyday using her amazing tar tars as wash mitts. Life is peachy, however, between visits to secluded Thailand beaches via private jet, casino sessions in Monaco with Sean Connery and owning your favourite sports team, you feel empty, incomplete, you need a project.
Now, you're proper rich, I mean, you don't just own the colour blue and collect royalties every time someone uses it, you're actually so rich that you don't even need to push when taking a dump. For that you've employed Jessica Alba to physically push your poo out for you, she presses down on your stomach with a jewel encrusted golden poo stick once used by Cleopatra's toilet aids. And, it's during one these incredibly satisfying yet strangely erotic bowel movements that you come up with an idea, a brilliant idea that only you could have. So you leave a watery eyed Jessica to photograph and catalogue your latest tightly packed coil, before breaking it up with a golden coat-hanger and flushing it away. On your way down to your workshop, you call upon your chief car engineer and tell him to meet you there.
When you arrive at the pristine workshop, Heather Vandeven has just presented your favourite martin and begun relieving any tension you may have (I'll leave this to your imaginations). On the far side of the workshop Walter Röhrl is getting briefed by Andrew Benson on how you drive so he can commence testing on your latest project. With all the flare of Tony Stark, you set about explaining what it is you want and lay down some rules:
- The shell from a Volvo P1800 coupe
- Azzurro California Met Blue
- Running gear from a R35 GT-R
- RUF flat-6 bi-turbo 730 bhp @ 7,000 rpm, maximum torque 940 Nm @ 3,500 rpm
- Aston Martin V8 Vantage wheels
- Cool grey interior from a V10 R8
Your turn...
You've just won the largest lottery jackpot in the world and you've got your dream garage already set up, a personal race track and Christina Hendricks washes your cars everyday using her amazing tar tars as wash mitts. Life is peachy, however, between visits to secluded Thailand beaches via private jet, casino sessions in Monaco with Sean Connery and owning your favourite sports team, you feel empty, incomplete, you need a project.
Now, you're proper rich, I mean, you don't just own the colour blue and collect royalties every time someone uses it, you're actually so rich that you don't even need to push when taking a dump. For that you've employed Jessica Alba to physically push your poo out for you, she presses down on your stomach with a jewel encrusted golden poo stick once used by Cleopatra's toilet aids. And, it's during one these incredibly satisfying yet strangely erotic bowel movements that you come up with an idea, a brilliant idea that only you could have. So you leave a watery eyed Jessica to photograph and catalogue your latest tightly packed coil, before breaking it up with a golden coat-hanger and flushing it away. On your way down to your workshop, you call upon your chief car engineer and tell him to meet you there.
When you arrive at the pristine workshop, Heather Vandeven has just presented your favourite martin and begun relieving any tension you may have (I'll leave this to your imaginations). On the far side of the workshop Walter Röhrl is getting briefed by Andrew Benson on how you drive so he can commence testing on your latest project. With all the flare of Tony Stark, you set about explaining what it is you want and lay down some rules:
- 1. This car is to be built from an existing production car shell from anywhere in history. BUT the premise is to be an everyday car and all aesthetics are to reflect the original shell, nothing too ostentatious and for this reason the donor car original retail is limited to £55,000.
2. All other components must also come from other existing production cars but these also have to fit with the powerplant position and shell. No monetary limit.
3. A production car colour has to be specified. No monetary limit, however, it has to be in keeping with rule 1. i.e. nothing too ostentatious, like a Veyron chrome finish on a 1 series Beemer.
4. The powerplant has to come from a production car but may be felted using a 'known' tuning house and only produce an output currently on their menu. No monetary limit.
5. The powerplant must be assumed it will fit. e.g. no putting a BMW G-Power Hurricane 800HP V10 into the boot of a mk1 Mini.
6. You may only specify a production car wheel, no aftermarket. No monetary limit.
7. You must specify a donor car interior. No monetary limit but it has to fit with the original configuration of the donor car. i.e. you can't translate a Roller Drophead interior into an estate car.
8. The car has to be drivable, although this is up for interpretation and discussion. Broscience and manlogic is allowed.
- The shell from a Volvo P1800 coupe
- Azzurro California Met Blue
- Running gear from a R35 GT-R
- RUF flat-6 bi-turbo 730 bhp @ 7,000 rpm, maximum torque 940 Nm @ 3,500 rpm
- Aston Martin V8 Vantage wheels
- Cool grey interior from a V10 R8
Your turn...
(probably, I hasten to add)