Understanding Engineers.....

[derdle]

Understanding Engineers - Take One:


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw
the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


Understanding Engineers - Take Two:


To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.



To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Understanding Engineers - Take Three:


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.



The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"



The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"



The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenkeeper. Let's have a word with him. "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?"

The greenkeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."



The group was silent for a moment.

Then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


Understanding Engineers - Take Four:


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers - Take Five:


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:


An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.



The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.



The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.



The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"


"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and then you can go to the lab and get
some work done."



Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."


The engineer bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.



The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

The engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!



Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:

An M and E and a PH engineer where discussing what type of engineer God would have been when he created the human body.

The Mechanical engineer said that God must have been mechanical due to the sheer mechanical excellence of the skeleton and the tensions required by muscles were calculated perfectly.

The Electrical engineer said that God must have been electrical as the neural network is faster than the best Data systems around.

The PH engineer disagreed with both and said that God would have to have been a PH engineer. Only a plumber would put a toxic waste pipe through a recreational area.

[shineydave]

As an Engineer i'm officialy offended, but hell, funny or what

[arS4]

[harry]

lol my ol man will be turnin in his grave.....no actually i forgot he was cremated. DOH!

[peterb]

Yep, they're all very amusing.

PeterB, C.Eng.

[CliveH]

As a non-engineer, I'm officially confused...!

[s4woody]

im not an engineer but i have an egine here and that was very funny...

[SteveH]

Excellent! (I design & build targets!)