Customer wanting to spend more money: We're on it sir, be there in a flash & happy to grab your money.
vs.
Customer wanting to reduce or amend their service:
Ah, I see, ok sir. I'm sorry to say our system doesn't really accommodate what you're requesting (cancellation of Broadband service). I need to put in a visit request to Timbucktoo, which I will do via paddle boat. When I get there I will have to locate a man with Ginger hair and a slight limp. He goes by the name of Caradoc. When I eventually find him, he will wink with his left eye and lead me to a piece of paper hidden beneath the slipper of a chinese ballerina. Upon that piece of paper will be our instructions.
Just to advise you sir, these instructions are only written in Hebrew. An ancient form of Hebrew which can only be translated by an old woman who lives in Jerusalem and is blind. Before she can translate the order form for us, we need to convert the script into braille, but only on paper that is made by hand by a small 7 year old boy in Mexico City. It will take poor old Pedro 4 weeks to make the paper for he only has one arm. According to our system there's a bit backlog at the moment due to the Easter rush. So I would guess we are looking at about 6-8 weeks for that to happen. I hope that is ok for you sir?
Oh, did I mention the blind lady only works on a Monday, between 2.37pm & 5.49pm, so what I'll do, I will book the slot with her now so we can make this all go as smoothly as possible. Obviously if I should loose my paddle whilst traveling to meet Caradoc, or if the paper is delayed from the factory in Mexico, it will mean we would have to reschedule our cancellation slot with her. Of course your service will remain fully operational and we will continue to bill you for the service you don't need in the mean time. Is that ok?
