MISSION:RS4 Retrieval (AKA as "Orgasm")

[gazzab]

Sorry for you who have saw this on RS6, but I am a very happy camper!

WHAT AN AURAL, TACTILE & VISUAL MASTERPIECE:

No not this parable, the car dummy. Read on:

It all began a long five months ago when on the radar up she popped, otherwise known as the BB (Black beast). I knew from that instant in time I wanted her, really badly, so operation RS4 Retrieval was born.

The operation finally came to fruition last weekend. In a foreign city on another mission, namely a secret conference, alias Cardiac Society of Australia & New Zealand, in actual fact an excellent exercise in net working and to partake in the other passions in my life, wine and food.

After two heavy nights of reconnaissance otherwise known as knocking it back, the time had come. The alarm was set for the ungodly hour of 5:30, a little bit worse for wear from the trench warfare. It was an uncharacteristically restless night, the crowning glory the shrill from the dam alarm clock. After the cold shower it was off to the airport, the taxi driver could have been a spy, he wore a hooded sweat shirt and just grunted. It was going to be a finely timed exercise, the flight from Canberra to Sydney with only a 45 minute stop over before the next leg to Albury Wodonga. True to form Qantas was running late, the flight left 45 minutes late. Finally hit the deck at Sydney at 8:10, I was cursing under my breath, there is no way I am going to make the next jet to Albury ( 8:25 in another terminal), then a lovely air hostess picked me out, “we will get you off the plane first, you must then “rush” to Gate 15 where an operative will meet you and take you to your waiting plane”. There I was alone on a 40 seat bus, careering around the lane ways of Sydney airport. Board the plane and get that look from the rest of the passengers, “barstard” you have held the plane up. It was imperative I be on that plane as the “dealer” had a strict rendezvous with a curfew at midday.

The excitement was building, not helped by the rave review in the Australian Financial Review (newspaper) that morning on the attributes of the RS4.

At last the moment had arrived, we swung into the dealership, there she stood proud, menacing, the iron glove in the velvet fist, it was love at first sight, she was crying just take me. It was just too hard to turn down. Once all the details of the take over were finished it was time to get acquainted. Not before time.

Now for the 3 and ½ hour drive to Canberra, on the sweeping up and down roads.

This is one gorgeous looking car, from every angle mesmerizing, she exudes class, the rear end is a work of art, and those large chrome plated exhausts tell you there is something awesome lurking upstream. The rubber on the road looks sure footed, the alloys impressive, I hope they don’t mark to easily, not much rubber overhang. Then those huge disc brakes with accompanying 8 pot callipers. The puffed out gills, deep raked front and silver finishes, the icing on the cake. Under the bonnet the V8 has been wedged in, the red highlights and carbon fibre disguising the nuclear power plant. Strangely it just sounds like a 4 cylinder engine at idle until unleashed, that V8 “burble” intoxicating and at the same time enchanting. The Sports button makes a definite change to the bass note of the beast. Now to the interior, the cockpit again exudes class, a great “office” to be in. I have decided there is a special technique to mount her. Left leg in first, turn the body clockwise 180 degrees, then the right thigh is placed in the corner of the seat, the lowest part of the bolster. The backside down on the smooth inviting leather seat, and pull the right leg in rotating body anticlockwise 180 degrees!. Mission accomplished but is going to take practice to get perfect.

The controls are well set out, the dials clear, the computer info summarized in the middle of the central console, no need to take the eyes off the road ahead, particularly using the NAVAID. At night time an impressive light display, gives one the feeling of sitting in a fighter plane ready to do battle. In some ways the central arm rest is in the way, with the left arm lying on the arm rest, and hand on the gearstick knob doesn’t feel ergonomically right. Though more than compensated by that knob, it feels superb, the top, the rimmed aluminium stick and the short functional throes of the gearstick as you wind up the beast. The same applies to the steering wheel, great tactile feel, perfectly weighted and meaty. The ICE system is impressive and the manuals daunting but on the whole the controls are intuitive. Runs all over the M3 in class. Driving from Canberra to Melbourne I struck one of those speed indicators to check your speedometer, I set the cruise control at 120 km, the speed trap indicated 113km, not sure which is more correct, but suspect the German engineering is more correct but probably does to some degree underestimate the speed.

Now to the important part, this girl wants to be taken the whole way. The large key slots perfectly into the steering column, the silver START button is inviting. A split second hesitation and she fires into life, the burble even more enchanting from the cabin. The steering very easy at slow speeds with the adaptive response. What strikes one the most is the broad torque response in every gear, it just keeps going and going. At any time you like you just increase the urgency at the foot pedal and off she goes. At lights the other day, a SS Holden takes off beside me, I decide to chase, floor the accelerator and she lurched forward, in a frightening manner, holy mackerel, this is one impressive piece of armament. I think Mr SS was a bit surprised. Have yet to challenge the brakes, but I am sure they are up to some punishment.

Not liking the fuel bill.

What more can I say, the wait has been worth it, the whole package is thoroughly impressive. I couldn’t be happier and look forward to explore its full capabilities once past 2000km. But at the same time she worries me, she has nervosity, is brutal but thankfully forgiving. Who needs SEX. I look forward to further missions and will try and maintain control over her. RIP my M3, unfortunately RS4 is a more complete package, maybe not quite the same balance, but I could never drive the M3 to such a high level to discern the difference. Long live RS4.

[david7m]

This message shall self destruct in 30 seconds ....

Glad you like it!

Dave

[gazzab]

Madly in love with it.

Gazzab

[kam100]

excellent write up.. glad ur enjoying ur Rs4!
Brought mine to work with me today.. made some haste too, wait till you have 2k miles under your belt, she definitely opens up with more use!