MOOCH RUNS OUT OF TALENT- A WARNING!!!

[Cornishmoocher]

Arse feck and ballicks!

Be warned boys- these things bite.

I hav ehad mine a fair old while now, and like to think (as we all do) that I can drive it properly now. Its taken me probably 2 years to get to the point where I feel confident in a power slide or the arse end stepping out.

Well this morning it all went pear shaped.........

There were mitigating circumstances, which I will come to later, but for now I will explain as best I can how I made myself look a tit.....although the women and chap that were coming the other way said "well held mate!" to which I answered "no it wernt- look its in the <beep> hedge!"

Pulling up to a fairly wide country T junction with the intention of turning right when a car comes the otherway from the left and I have to reverse up. Not a problem, get used to emmets not being able to drive. But my parking sensers are fooked and drive me nuts by beeping insescently, so I reached over without looking and pushed the tit to turn em off.

Car passes, I pull forward to the edge of the T junction and prepare to turn right. The road is about 15ft wide here with a grassy green on the right and a 6ft wide grass verge and a cornish stone hedge on the left.

Plenty of right foot to get out and WHOOOOHOOO! I am now going up the road with the ass hanging out to the left and the nose heading right for the grassy green. "Not a problem, i got this me thinks" A little chink of left hand wheel and the car absolutley snaps round to the left, heading at a right angle to the road, straight for the cornish stone hedge. "<beep>!!" another flick of right had wheel and bury the throttle, too late I am on the grass verge and BANG! the tail hits the stone wall, this straightens the car up and i bring her to a stop on the verge.

Out i gets and creeps round the back to survey my handywork, which to my amzment was nto as a bad as it sounded.

I took it to a local bodyshop who specialises in prestigous motors and he is going to sort it out and do the other wheel arch (stone chips from when i battered an R8) for £500.00.

Anyhoo, I found out that I had not turned off the PS but the traction control by mistake...... how long have I had this car? Complacency kills boys.
These cars are awsome, but they have a limit, I have got out of shape before and had no problems, but this was so quick that i was a passnager, nothing that i did was going to make a difference.
When they go, you aint stopping em!

Mitigating circumstances;
It was early and the road was a bit greasy
The tyres were cold
The traction control was off.
0-60 in 3.5 secs sidewards.

Non- mitigating circumstances
I was a tit.
I ran out of talent.
I was a tit.
balls are bigger than my brains
I was a tit.

Are you getting the picture???

Hopefully the pics are in order.... T junction, the green, the hedge and the damage.

[Cornishmoocher]

ooops no damage there was there!

[Daveperc]

Sorry to hear that Mooch - but the good thing is no-one hurt, and no major damage apart from to pride!

Great warning NOT to turn of TC system - TBH I don't know why they even provide a switch!

Oh - and the picture of the damage doen't look too bad - I think the motorcyclist that clipped me did more than that! And he wasn't driving a stone wall!

Dave

[Cornishmoocher]

Normally the TC would be on.... unless I am having a blat, then its off.
Difference is, when its off, you expect little slips and slides and are ready to correct them. I was totally unprepeared for this and not expecting to get a tank slapper (so to speak), but I supose the lesson today is be a boy scout.

The damage is not too bad, but it still hurts every time i look at it.

Its not the first time I have had an "off road excursion" but then, before, you kind of expect it when you are pushing it hard and are in an environment where they cater for it, and unless you are really unlucky or being a complete tit you dont hit anything.

Funny thing is, I am now asking myself- if i did anythng different would it have had a better end rsult? (without stating the obvious!). Did I do what I should have in the seconds where I was not in control?

On a ;lighter note, my wife is now not talking to me becuase "thats anothe <beep> £500 on your pissing car" so that means I get to got to the boozer and get hammered and she wont be able to bolock me coz she ernt talking to me! YEHAR!!

[RichRS6]

Sorry to hear that Mooch, still the damage isn't too bad but its still £500.00 from Your beer fund !

Don't think I've ever turned the TC off, even knowingly as I don't like the idea of all that grunt going where it wants to without any intelligent control ! (I dont count in that statement, I'm just the nut behind the wheel !)

[HYFR]

sorry about your car matey, but quality entertainment value for the neutral...you need a column in top gear magazine

[Cornishmoocher]

As i keep saying- we aim to please, and if you dont smile we aim between the eyes.....

The car is SOOOO much more alive and dare i say it "controlable" when its off- if you are expecting things to go a bit wonky, the brakes are better, you get out of corners better and hit hedges quicker.....

here you go, this how quickly it all happened- and i have only just remembered this, because I only drive in flapster mode, it actually grabbed second gear on its own!

[Ramone]

very well written and a cursory note for all....

[Rupert]

I normally have the TC off on bone dry roads in the summer, never on a wet road! The first and only time I had TC off on a wet road I was pulling out of a T junction... the tail stepped out quite a bit, so I won't be doing that again.

You got off very light Mooch. I am pleased it's so minor!

[stumpyrs4]

Laugh out loud...

I dribbled orange squash all over me keyboard! Again...

[Cornishmoocher]

Yeah, I was kind of expecting that if something did go wrong it would be horribly major.........

[deanobeano]

A lucky escape Mooch, all down to your well honed hooning skills !!

Lucky you didn't <beep> the wheel on the stone wall.

[Cornishmoocher]

there was only one <beep> involved in all of this.....

[deanobeano]

there was only one <beep> involved in all of this.....

So is that what happens when you turn the TC aka <beep> Control off!

[MartynC]

Well written, a lesson for us all! Also good to see someone taking responsibility for their own actions; too many folk blame everything except themselves. Glad your OK.

MartynC