I need cheering up.....

[MoRS6+]

My girlfriend is in tears, her rabbit just died.

Ironically, my mouse did at the same time.

Which is why I needed the batteries from her rabbit.

[Cornishmoocher]

Classic!

[PaulRS6]

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom

using the urinals.
One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicotine patch on it.

He looks at the other priest and says,

'I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis.'

The other one replies, 'It's working just fine I'm down to two butts a day.'

[bam_bam]

What's the difference between Cheryl Cole and the volcano that erupted in Iceland?
...The volcano is still blowing ash.

[paul_23]

Forget the RS6, by far the best engine in the world is the fanny. It pulls anything, starts with 1 finger, self lubricates, takes any size piston, then every 4 weeks does its own oil change......its a pity the management system is so tempermental.....

[Cornishmoocher]

My mate was on the way home from the pub the other night when he was taken a bit short and became desperate for a <beep>. Looking around he could see nowhere suitable to go and curl one down.
In desperation he vaulted over a garden wall, and squat down on the lawn...... On completion, he looked down and to his astonishment there was nothing there! Bemused he staggered off home.

the next day he was strolling past the garden and his curiosity got the better of him and he leand over the wall for a good look.
A voice said " Can I help you?" My mate replied "Err, I was just admiring your garden mate" The chap said " Aye tis nice isn't it- but you never guess what some dirty bastard did last night?"
"What was that then?"
"Some fecker got in my garden and <beep> on my tortoise!!"

[MoRS6+]

My mate was on the way home from the pub the other night when he was taken a bit short and became desperate for a <beep>. Looking around he could see nowhere suitable to go and curl one down.
In desperation he vaulted over a garden wall, and squat down on the lawn...... On completion, he looked down and to his astonishment there was nothing there! Bemused he staggered off home.

the next day he was strolling past the garden and his curiosity got the better of him and he leand over the wall for a good look.
A voice said " Can I help you?" My mate replied "Err, I was just admiring your garden mate" The chap said " Aye tis nice isn't it- but you never guess what some dirty bastard did last night?"
"What was that then?"
"Some fecker got in my garden and <beep> on my tortoise!!"

That is funny as feck!

[chriswebb9]

been doon the pub, had some beer, that dint work. The lovely landlady was lovely but that dint work either.

Anyone know any jokes?