Cheers. I now hold 2 records at Frimley Park Hospital and Guildford Hospital.
Frimley Park - They claim that I am the first person there to ever "beat" their lung capacity machine. First test, both times, blew off the scale and couldn't be measured. Second (different) test wanted to write off the page on the machine, with a beautiful power curve on it to boot
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Guildford Hospital - They claim that I am the fastest counselling session that they have had there in as long as anyone can remember. Had to go in for crap fecking counselling on sperm freezing/cancer/dealing with the fact that my swimmers could already be swimming backwards etc etc. Blah blah, me man, me deal, me move on, kthxbai. Counselling and meeting the cryo people/being told where to go for deposits etc etc is supposed to take between 60-90 mins. I was in, done and out in 32 mins. Joking and flirting with everything that moved seemed to help as they just blushed and got lost for words
Had the Bone Marrow biopsy last week which was interesting. Pointing my bare arse at a load of strangers for 20 mins while cracking jokes and having a guy almost break his wrist trying to drill in to my hip isn't something I wish to repeat any time soon. The Professor doing the work (Boss man of the Haematology department at Frimley Park) said that he had done well over 1700 of these procedures said that he had never come across a patient like me before. Seeing a pattern developing here?? Very odd sensation having the marrow broken out of you but not particularly uncomfortable, talked/joked throughout. They get a load of squaddies in there and he is used to normally getting swearing/screaming/crying? Really? They really don't seem to breed us lot very tough these days..... Was told that it would feel like I had been kicked in the back later that day but no pain at all, mild discomfort at a push from the car bolsters as I discharged myself as soon as I was out of the procedure room and hopped in to the car
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Had the PET/CT scan thing yesterday. Walked in and told them that I was checking in for one of their finest cancers scans. The staff and people in the waiting room all looked at me like I was some sort of loon, no sense of humour. Stuck me on a bed that was too small for me, in a room that was only as long as I am tall, so got dosed up with radiation in my veins and was told to lie there in the dark for 50 mins and relax/sleep (in the middle of the day, I wish!). WRONG, sneaked out my phone and was texting/web browsing with one hand due to the big ass needle they left in my elbow, while trying not to fall off the midget bed the whole time.
While doing my best to flirt with the tiny, cute Spanish CT operator, they squeezed me in to the CT machine, with my arms stuck behind my head stretched out. Slight problem, my arms are so long that I was getting jammed in the CT machine. 45 minutes of being put through Classic FM and some really uncomfortable times having my arms jammed into their sockets, I was ready to go and jumped out of the machine like a scalded cat, while still flirting with the midget Spaniard of course.
I am hoping that all that is left to do now is to stroke out three hot loads in to the cups that have been provided and whip them over the Guildford. I don't think I will be getting told the final results of everything until around 27/11.
Right, that was a minute or two of your lives that you won't be getting back!
Current:
23' C8 RS6 Vorsprung - 23' RS E-Tron GT Carbon Vorsprung
Gone:
"Brutus"-
C5 RS6 Avant - MRC stage 2 - Milltek non-res + 100 cell cats - Wagner ICs - PSS9 - H&R ARBs - OZ Superturismo LM - C6 Custom brakes - HD RNS-E - Various other bits -
555PS/832Nm
"Taz"-
C7 RS6 - MRC stage 2
745PS/1095Nm
12' Cayenne Turbo,
B7 RS4, S3, Cupra R, XJR, EVO VII, STI8,5,2&WRX, 106 GTI&XSI, other crap.
Whats your name Ranalph Feinnes? ( he got off the end of his finger in his shed with a hacksaw when he got pissed off with having a black frost bitten end! 
) Ive sewn my hand up before years ago in the cuds but thats a good one to do bud 
