Correct, the darker bits are wet. They were dry before I started the car. My local garage said they weren't able to see a leak. I managed to recreate the leak by turning the car on and leaving it half an hour. Idiots.
I also got a bit curious, and got a hydrocarbon tester kit, because I was still in disbelief about the head gasket claim. Here is a picture of the liquid after I did the test, in the tester is obviously the liquid I just used, in the glass is the liquid as it comes out the bottle;
Now assuming I did it correctly, (engine warm, end of tester in coolant tank but not touching water, pump squeezy bit for about 3 minutes), they look exactly the same colour. It's meant to go yellow or green if there's a leak.
What the hell were these guys on about?! I'll do another one of these tomorrow to make sure.