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been doon the pub, had some beer, that dint work. The lovely landlady was lovely but that dint work either.

Anyone know any jokes?

Things started getting physical with my new girlfriend last night, we were in bed and she said mine was the biggest c*ck she'd ever had her hands on. I said you're pulling my leg

Good one- it got a smile!

keep em coming lads.......

Prostitute is at the police station . . . the desk officer says "so when did you realise you were raped?" she replies, "when the cheque bounced".

Mrs Doyle: Are you looking forward to your lunch tomorrow, Father?
Ted: Hmmm? I suppose so.
Mrs Doyle: You do like pheasant, don't you Father?
Ted: Pheasant? I love pheasant.
Mrs Doyle: Well there's a little clue. The thing you'll be eating likes pheasant as well.

Paddy and his missus were lying in bed listening to the next door
neighbour's dog barking. It had been barking for hours and hours.

Suddenly Paddy jumped up out of bed and said: 'I've had enough of this' and goes downstairs.

Finally he comes back to bed and his wife says: 'The dog is still barking.
What have you been doing?'

Paddy says: 'I've put the dog in our yard. See how THEY fookin' like it!'

It's a good thing that Man United played away from home today, as with the planes being grounded, Old Trafford would've been empty as their fans couldn't travel

i hear the cloud that has grounded all the planes is due to the eveton trophy cabinet being dusted

What's got you down, dude?

Ahh, just stuff, bad week......
vvvvvv

You'll have the barge back soon to take away your woes (or be the cause of new ones )

My Thai bride says I have a big cock.

Sorry, I forgot my punctuation.

My Thai bride says, "I have a big cock".

I've just bought a wig made from Bum hair









Damn thing keeps blowing off

My girlfriend is in tears, her rabbit just died.

Ironically, my mouse did at the same time.

Which is why I needed the batteries from her rabbit.